TWO WEEKS of MY MOTHER ON TWITTER v2.O

Last, summer (or was it the summer before?) my mother showed up unannounced. She said she gave me a heads up but I told her since you flew across the Atlantic, calling from New York City after you land is not considered a "heads up." What followed was a week of unplanned dinners and outings followed by a second week of unplanned dinners and outings in NYC folowed by a wedding (not mine).

I only recently found my cache of notes/posts from that period. On the eve of yet another family outing (this time half-way around the world) I present Two Weeks of My Mother on Twitter v2.O. (OK, OK this time they were facebook posts, primarily because I needed more characters to describe the madness.) Overall though Ive got to cut her some slack since she's in her early 80s and not early 70s as I had thought.

Got confirmation that my Mom will touchdown in NYC June 15th. Right now she is in Paris trying out her mothering logic on my younger brother. It's like a test run.
via Facebook
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So it begins. My mother landed in NYC on the 15th — though I can't be sure because she hasn't called, or e-mailed or texted. And of course her cell phone is turned off. You know if the tables were turned I'd get an earful. I guess this is payback.
via Facebook
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Mom is still MIA, or maybe my siblings like keeping me in the dark. Then again they've assimilated the European lifestyle so maybe they're on holiday too. That means I'm free for the 4th.
via Facebook
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So I found Mom. (who is OK, thanks for asking) But I can't call her back because she keeps calling and leaving 20+ minute messages. Nothing coherent. Just ambient noise of breakfast being eaten. Hang up Mom (and chew with your mouth closed...)
via Facebook
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 "So what do you want to do Mom?" Upon where she answers "I don't know, you decide." Of course I'll make a decision and hours into our outing she'll whisper, "This is not what I really wanted to do." 
via Facebook
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My sister worries since my Mom will often walk into a room and forget why she came, I.e. to fetch/do something specific, she may be developing some memory loss. I respond by saying, what we were we talking about again?
via Facebook
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Running around the neighborhood with the iPad in tow to prove to my Aunt that the range of her Verizon FiOS signal is not infinite - and thus she is NOT supplying access for the whole county.
via Facebook
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So I find out from my Mom why it's so hard to build the family tree. Laotians didn't have/use last names prior to WW2. So had I been traveling the country at that time and people asked me who I was I would have had to say, "I'm Monirom, son of Sopsaisana, of the tribe that has indoor plumbing and electricity. We come in peace."  
via Facebook
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She comes across the Atlantic...to buy an iPad.
via Twitter
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Why my Mom got stopped by the TSA: because she insisted on bringing an 833g Box of "After 8" Mints across the Atlantic. (833g is the size wholesalers sell to catering companies) Apparently when they melt inside the box, the density is close to peanut butter, or plastic explosives.
via Facebook
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My mom remarks Wow you look great. Have you lost weight - if you don't visit your aunt before she dies - you'll be sorry. that's 1 sentence. 
via Facebook
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So I call my Mom, who was up until 4am, to get the initial call/guilt over with. And she goes, "Don't call me on the cell, it costs a fortune." and hangs up. This is why I have great powers of deduction.
via Facebook
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My aunt tells me I should be grateful my mother gave up a night of cards with the Lao women because she loves me. So guess where we are? I'm surrounded by cackling Lao women who believe the louder you yell the more powerful your message. Cards are flying, babies shrieking, toddlers playing fisher price slam dunk, preteens inhaling helium etc. Even my cousin Tray had the good sense to cut and run.

According to Dante I'm in the first ring.
via Facebook
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Countdown to my first (ever) road trip with my Mother (no kidding). Be glad I wont be drexting.
via Facebook
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First know I love my mother before reading this missive: I'm at the intersection of BFE and Where the F Are We — being given driving tips by a woman who has never operated a motor vehicle in her life — who is being assisted by a woman who knows the city of NYC but speaks no English.
via Facebook
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She stops me before I leave to have me clarify my itinerary and purpose. I ask if she would like to accompany me to visit my friend Anne in Pearl River, NY. I'm ready to go! she exaults. Then when informed my friend Anne is neither my girlfriend nor fiancé — and thus we are not likely to get married. My mother declines in favor of the Hall of Science in Queens.
via Facebook
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I love you too, Mom.